This is the speech we need to give to the world!!!

 

  As you all know, the defeat of the Iraqi regime has been completed. Since congress does not want to spend any more money on this war, our mission in Iraq is complete. 
 
 This morning the United States gave the order for a complete removal of all American forces from Iraq and every other country in the world they are stationed in. This action will be complete within 30 days. It is now time to begin the reckoning.

Let us start by saying that effective immediately, foreign aid to all nations ceases immediately and indefinitely. The money saved during the first year alone will pretty much pay for the costs of the Iraqi war and a whole lot more.

The American people are no longer going to pour money into third world Hell-holes and watch those government leaders grow fat on corruption.

Need help with a famine? Wrestling with an epidemic? Call France. Call Germany. Call Russia. We're not answering the phone anymore!

In the future, Congress will work to redirect this money toward solving the vexing social problems we still have at home. On that note, a word to terrorist organizations. Screw with us and we will hunt you down and eliminate you and all your friends from the face of the earth. Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize? Try France, or maybe China.
 
To Israel and the Palestinian Authority. Yo, boys. Work out a peace deal now. Just note that Camp David is closed. Maybe all of you can go to Russia for negotiations. They have some great palaces there. Big tables, too. We are ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic relations with France, Germany, and Russia. Thanks for all your help, comrades. We are retiring from NATO as well. Bon chance, mes amis. The Mayor of New York City is set to begin towing the many UN diplomatic vehicles located in Manhattan with more than two unpaid parking tickets to sites where those vehicles will be stripped, shredded and crushed. I don't care about whatever treaty pertains to this. You creeps have tens of thousands of unpaid tickets. Pay those tickets tomorrow or watch your precious Benzes, Beamers, and limos be turned over to some of the finest chop shops in the world. We love New York.

A special note to our neighbors in Canada. Since we are likely to be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks might want to try not pissing us off for a change. Mexico also. President Fox and his entire corrupt government really need an attitude adjustment. America will have a couple extra tank and infantry divisions sitting around. Guess where we're going to put em? Yep, border security. So start doing something with your oil. Oh, by the way, the United States is abrogating the NAFTA treaty ---starting now.
 
We are tired of the one-way highway. The free ride has ended. It is time for America to focus on its own welfare and its own citizens. Some will accuse us of isolationism. We answer them by saying, "damn right".
 
Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a decent life around the world has only earned us the undying enmity of just about everyone on the planet. It is time to eliminate hunger in America. It is time to eliminate homelessness in America. It is time to eliminate World Cup Soccer from America.  To the countries that remained our friends through it all, thanks guys!  We owe you and we won't forget. To the nations who would try to ruin us a final thought: Drop dead.
 
God bless America.
Thank you and good night.

If you can read this, thank a Teacher.

If you are reading it in English, thank a Soldier.